HANDS ON: The GOP's presidential hopeful.
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks. He asked, “What are all those clocks?
St. Peter answered, “Those are lie clocks. Everyone on Earth has a lie clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”
“Oh,” said the man. “Whose clock is that?”
“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”
“Incredible,” said the man. “And whose clock is that one?” St. Peter responded,
“That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.”
“Where’s Mitt Romney’s clock,” asked the man. “Mitt Romney’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”
"Janey, thank God you're home. Will you please tell Stacy that Maya Angelou is not a resort in Mexico!" - Elaine (Faith Prince), while playing charades on Drop Dead Diva.
"Someone that really stuck out to me was Andrew because he's Jewish and so he wears a Yom Kippur. I belive that's what it's called." - Rachel, about hew new housemate who wears a yarmulke, on Big Brother 12.